In time before I awake..(Excerpt from 10,000 Sleepless Nights)

by Sam Bailey on Saturday, April 25, 2009

(It may all seem A bit romanticized, but If you read till the end, you will see why.)

I am a soul vexed by sleep’s misgivings. In my life I have known so much sorrow from its abandonment of me, and I have accrued a great debt of empty nights by sleep’s fickle denial.

But  there are times when sleep is mine to have, and in those precious moments the dreaming soul of me,  flies free and strong.

My unconscious realm becomes its canvas, my wanting and doubts become It’s colors and brush.  In the background is the symphony of my memories.. their power and depth inspiring all forms of creation, and my spirit defines each masterpiece of the surreal stroke by stroke.

So rare, are these times, when sleep will lay with me, and the artist of my dreams can work, that I can not help but wonder, for my conscious mind will walk the gallery of those works left behind, if any will ever be completed?

IN time, Before I awake..

Not looking for sympathy,, but this is the truth

284 days.. that’s the low estimate… for what.. Weight loss? Stock options?, Financial Windfall? Lease ending? Retirement?

No.

This is a fairly accurate measure of the amount of my life, most commonly at night.. that I have went without breathing.

No.. not an exaggeration, or some trick on math.. 284 days give or take a week or so.. This is how bad my apnea was.. for so long, before it was discovered. now more than 5 years ago.

I live everyday with what that has done to my body, my mind, for so long.

10,000 Sleepless Nights is not just about how much sleep I lost.. is about the 284 days of breath that I never took. and the days and nights to come that are mine to take.