Each one of us would like to think of ourselves fearless at some point, of something, in the course of lives. It could be something so utterly trivial, like losing to some novice in a game which me have mastered, or a matter of unquestioned certitude, such as the defense of ones child when grave peril shows its face.
These moments, if they have already come upon us, are often indelibly burned into a memory. A fixed point to forever reference so that we might, draw strength from, polish the shelf of it for the sake of nostalgic pride, or to remind us of what we are capable of when we face some great threat.
Then of course, there is the other side of this Boatman’s coin, one of which we will somberly collect through our days. That being those times, and those things in which we knew certain and palpable fear which forever changed our lives and we are always trying to forget.
The scope and magnitude, reach and consequence, of these instances are by their own nature, irrelevant. For they have and can be so much bigger, last longer, and take a greater toll, than we allow ourselves to believe, admit, understand , accept, or comprehend.
They make us angry, they paralyze, they deceive us, have us mistrust when we should have faith, beguile us when we see what is in front of us a smiling threat.
But worst of all.. they make us forget.. what they were, before they became so much more.
A moment of original fear can be such a terrible thing…. and as it is happening we often are thinking just one thing..
(How do I make this stop, Just let this End)
It does… and often.. and as fast as we can,, we will push down to the first empty space our mind thinks is there and close that door. Erasing it from the here and now.
Where it can, if we let it, Grow Forever.
Because we didn’t take a deep breath at some point.. when we could and should have.
Remembering Why We Wanted to Forget.