The pain that comes when you trust that in the end, people will be true to who they are, and not what we wanted them to be.

We always want things to work out in the way that we put are minds too, when those people which we anchor that precious state of love and trust upon, so we can assuage our worries and doubts, and seek our hopes and dreams.

They can be Sibling or spouse, parent or paramour, oldest friend, fiance, or would be true love.

We want, we need .. for them to be the persistent and resolute place, that we take to for solace, comfort or hide from the world, they should be a place of strength, a beacon in the dark, to guide us, put us back on the path, give us purpose and most of all the one and true bastion of trust where we never fear betrayal or be failed.

Yet…

We come to know better.

We desperately need to believe we are wrong…  but we know the truth. This knowledge may be something vetted as we have witnessed through actions upon others, or perhaps some gnawing perception we cannot let go of, though would deny it with all our might, or worst we have learned it ourselves through trust given and squandered..  and we just cant believe .. though we knew the truth all along.

It was not what we knew or when we  knew.. it was always them, it was and always be who they were, who they will be… sometimes we understand this .. sometimes we do not ..

but the most excruciating truth is that we know they will fail us .. again.. no matter what we need them to be.

The Truth only is welcome, when we can make it serve us (A whiskey Lamentation)

Everyone seeks a herald of the truth, or a would be earnest keeper, that would serve us best. However, should it reveal our vices, or be some oculist to ensure clarity of  our being, then we fear it would reveal… Us

This endless merry go round… our need of the truth of us to be known.. and at any given moment… the devastation we will wrought.. to ensure, such truth will never come to be.

We ache.. fear.. long.. beg.. lament.. terrorize… wish for… destroy … ache … ruin… hide from…  sabotage… and surrender to… all for the same

THE TRUTH … OF US.

may we never know it… may others break us for it..

But either way.. may we know peace… 

When Fear is all about you.

The destructive force of fear… What it does to us even as we do Nothing. It is the teacher of woe, the ender of purpose, the stealer of dreams. The Lesson is always the same. Abide in it, and you will consume first all you love, then you.

What Say you

Fear is part of being alive, some measure of it is factored in to nearly every aspect of our daily lives. It takes a myriad of forms. From the ambiguous, such as a random lighting strike(been there, done that), to the benign, (slipping and falling and breaking something… yep.. been there, done that too) To the dubiously required.(life, home, auto, flood, dental insurance). We live our lives in some way, evermore in its presence.

While some of us through life’s conditioning, or careful nurturing, or even genetic uniqueness, do not experience fear in the common fashion. They are the outliers, they typically come in two forms, though with the incredible diversity of division they may vary well beyond my simple characterizations, for the purpose of generalization I shall heap them in two groups.

For some.. Fear, is the great adventure that awaits them, or the looming challenge that will validate them. They are the trap waiting to be sprung; a fury begging…

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Knowing that your Broken. A post biographical revelation.

via Knowing that your Broken. A post biographical revelation.

To have Been Broken.

It is an odd thing, when you realize you seek not to justify the damage, but the damage seeks to remind you that justice is due.

What Say you

I have had much to say, to so many, on the matter of what I have been, when I was another Me. 
It seems so strange a thing, to speak in earnest words of how I am not that which I once was, and have them look at me the same. I find, in these moments, a palor of fear and doubt washes over me. 
I want to scream ” Cant you see what I am saying!” Take them and shake them, for how can they not know how profound a truth I speak..? Cant they understand.. what I have been through…?
They do not.
I , I must then accept that those who hear nothing of what I have said.. No matter Its eloquence.. It soul shaking honesty… For they have been blessed by the ignorance unstolen by suffering and loss.
I calm… and sigh… and speak anew…

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In love with a ghost.(Excerpt From 10,000 Sleepless nights)

via In love with a ghost.(Excerpt From 10,000 Sleepless nights)

Eventually, We all want to go home….

The first moments of true wonder of my life, was on a winding mountain road, as seen from the Back of a Covered Pick Up truck. Rest Now, Uncle Henry.

What Say you

There are so many  parables, expressions, anecdotes, and clever little phrases that we turned to about taking to some sort of journey.

In fact, most, if not all of us, have some sense of wanderlust within us, a baited sense of adventure, or unrequited childhood fantasy to visit some distant and wonderful land.

For many of us, even myself, much of those inklings, thankfully have been sated. For certain, there are many, oh so many of this worlds wonders, and its peoples I have yet to see and meet, but I have now done my fair share to be sure.

Yet there is really another type of journey, or I should say, another more poignant, more heartfelt part of one, that those of us that have seen and done sometimes lose sight of.

Those wayward, haunted and broken souls, simply trying to find their way home.

I have been on that final leg, So easy it is…

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