Learning to cope, written Febuary 22, 2009. (Excerpt from 10,000 Sleepless Nights.)

The moment this was written, I did so to demonstrate what I could say, in an instant, about what was taking place inside me, I did not realize how prophetic my arrogance would prove.

What Say you

522767_358022864255343_1060998233_n

Learning to cope…

Memory has its own identity, and we struggle each time we learn this anew.

         We can recall the nature of our own life in the countless reminiscence of all we have known.

Yet there are times when so powerful are the events that alter every course of our being, that in a single stroke of fate’s merciless pen our every memory are redefined.

All we may recall is recast, every binding emotion torn asunder, and at once, who we were in our memories is no longer us at all.

Memories of Love become regret, devotion becomes purposeless toil, kindness is now is mocking placation.

We remember being part of something;

No, we only realize we were just simply there, as we are now.

Alone.

View original post

Advertisements

I am still Here, But where is that Anyway?

I know where I need to be, even if I am not there yet.

What Say you

20161123_175125

In what I allowed to become an endless process of self reflection, perpetual incantations of self actualization, and countless introductions to introspection. I found that I had via chronological GPS and emotional signal triangulation found had myself in the most fixed and certain of point of who I was and exactly where I was In this place I called my Life.

And I had no damned Idea where the hell that was after all.

Surprisingly, this was neither vexing, or as it turns out much of a surprise.. it was much more of a classic “Well…Shit” Sam Moment that as it turns out was rule here and not the exception.

I feel that it is of personal importance that I draw no lines of relativity here, it seems I have an overbearing sense of propriety selfishness in this moment. That this metamorphic journey to absolute “well, that was stupid” be mine to covet.

Then a thought occurred to me.. And then, even…

View original post 81 more words

What became of that person before I became what I have come to be.

We know who we are, or , at least we should, and any given moment that we do, that knowing is bound in who we were, in the where we have come from.

Now this seems a perilous conundrum, rife with unneeded complexity. Yet when that codex is deciphered, It should yield some understandable clues that we can solve the puzzle of us by and large.

This is not what I speak to now.

I am talking about those times when we Know full well, exactly who we are, but we become so fixed on what that means to us, we read into it again , and again,  something else, we literally redefine ourselves in the blindness of our truth, till we are…

not ourselves at all.

The damage is then done…  the simulacrum that has replaced that we knew ourselves to be, Stares at us from the mirror of our soul.. surveying the damage to every part of our lives.

“How did we get here” we ask…

There is no one to answer. We have lost the person who could have.

The person we were, before we became that which we came to be.

20170506_113618