Tag Archives: Comedy

Things that make you grateful for being from the South.

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the river

Being introduced to boiled Peanuts
The food at potlucks.
The way a grandmother will call your name.…
The real meaning of the word Momma.
The quality of use in swear words.
Sunlight through an April fog.
The real meaning of the word Tubing.

And the things that just aint right about it.

Beer cans at boat landings.
Drunk parking at the waffle house.
Idiots on jet skis on the river.
The danger of driving on Sunday morning. (at least when my Grandmother was alive)
Skeeters.. them DAMN skeeters!

Hearing northerners complain about us.

Put a Name on it.. why I hate the hill named Larry.

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Larry.. I forgot to take it from the bottom and sure as hell am not walking back down to get that pic.

Larry.. I forgot to take it from the bottom and sure as hell am not walking back down to get that pic.

“Age catches all in her slowly closing embrace,” this is a somewhat eloquent interpretation of time and its affect upon us. A more blunt perception of this would be “Getting Old Sucks.” This presents itself in both subtle and not so subtle ways..

The subtle…..

Strained recollections of things once so common, the absence of recognition of the who’s who on the red carpet(which your watching cause you cant find the remote to change the TV back to the history channel), or the painful revelation that your favorite high school song is on the classic rock station…

Then, there is the not so subtle..

Deciding how important an errand is based on is it worth putting on pants, the use of ointments.. (the key here is frequency and plurality) and lastly .. how and where gravity has to do with it..

stairs.. body parts.. walking uphill….

These brings me to the uncomfortable issue of Larry.

As further evidence of my chronological placement I still use the old southern technique of the anthromorphization of inanimate objects to channel frustration and aggression..

AKA..”put a name on it”

In this case it is a unpleasant hill on Otterman St  as it leads to my most recent source of inspiration and more importantly the closest source of my beloved Caffeine from where I am house guesting here in Greensburg. My hosts are the most marvelous of souls….but for one inexplicable disinterest in coffee…thus giving cause for my morning trek.. a overly long short walk up the back of LARRY, the name I have placed upon this most hated incline of asphalt and brick.

Each morning here.. I have been reminded of time’s not so subtle effects.. specifically the harsh mistress of gravity on my body parts..  and as for the passersby on this grueling stretch of ground between myself and caffeine I am sure they wonder what happened to make me mumble “f*%k you Larry.” about every third step I take.

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I have been Leibster-ated… I think??

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Liebster-Award-Badge

Liebster-Award-Badge (Photo credit: Adrienne Third)

I have to say I was a different kind of clueless as word came to me on my consideration for such a fine accolade. My previous noteworthy achievements are eating a hot dog in one bite, and a high score in  midget punching on all you can drink scotch night.

Thanks a Million x 2.3825 to http://scottishmomus.wordpress.com/ who nominated me for this award.

For those who are unfamiliar with the Liebster Award rules here they are :

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you for the Liebster Award, and link back to his or her blog.

2. Answer the 11 questions that your nominator asks you.

3. Post 11 random facts about yourself.

4. Nominate 11 bloggers of your own, with under 200 followers, whom you think are as awesome as you.

5. Create 11 questions for your nominees.

6. And finally… Display the Liebster Award logo on your page.

Her questions to me were as follows..

My questions are:-

1. Favourite song and why?

Dobie Gray’s “Drift Away” Why? Because I can sing the hell out of it.

2. Best childhood memory?

Collecting soda bottles to get penny candy.

3. Vanilla or flavoured ice cream?

Cherry Chocolate Chip

4. Favourite food?

Chicken and Dumplings

5. Hugh Jackman (yumm) or other?

Emma Stone

6. Which three items would you save in a fire?

Pipe, Pipe Tobacco, Scotch. 

7. Most difficult thing you’ve had to do?

Play Taps at my fathers funeral.

8. Sea, lake or river?

    River

9. Favourite item of clothing and why?

Baja. Its been everywhere with me.

10. Most embarrassing moment? (I dare you!)

Played( Trumpet) during a rest in the state band championship. 

11. Main colour of clothes in your wardrobe?

Black.

Here my random facts.

1. I have a extra muscle in my forearms and calves.

2. I dislike Beets Immensely.

3. I have hobbitish feet.

4. I love music.

5. I hate Paul Saget.. a lot

6. I once ate a hotdog in one bite(see awards)

7. I believe there is a ninja midget conspiracy (also see awards)

8. I think Justin Beiber is a vegan zombie- howler monkey offspring.

9. I can imitate people pretty well.

10.Was hit by lightning.

11. Have a lot of moist things

Now the Bloggers I nominate.. paying the awkwardness forward.

AND NOW MY QUESTIONS.

1. who you would slap if you could get away with it.

2. Relative you dislike the most.

3.  Movie you are ashamed to admit you love.

4. Worst place you have ever wiped your cheese puff fingers on.

5. most drunk you can ever remember being.

6. strangest sandwich you ever made cause it was all that was left in the fridge/cupboard.

7. most awkward gift you ever got.. or regifted.

8. Most idiotic thing you have ever said.. that you will fess up to.

9. best road trip you ever took

10. item of clothing you KNOWWW you will never into, but keep just in case.

11. Favorite drink.