The pain that makes us Endure us, Saves no one.

 

20161209_081622Everyone experiences Pain, and at some point, should it not consume us, and in that consumption leave behind a husk of anger and bitter regret, we will most often sentimentalize what has become of us having staved off pain’s hungry efforts upon us.

The bizarre irony, that we seem almost euphoric, to proclaim as loudly as possible, we have been hurt, how much, by what and whom, and that we are still here , and we can now regale any and all with our stories of woe, our elaborate Tales of suffering.

All the while forgetting, what is most important, that those who are still hurting, whom pain is still slowly grinding into grist, or carving away at with some opulent blade as it feeds amidst royal splendor, while its victim abides in desperate squalor.

If you are hurting it can be hard to see the hurt of another, but if you are merely celebrating the memory of a wound, and paying no heed to another, you are likely to just create another wound someplace else in your revelry.

Help the hurting, even if your hurting, sometimes that’s the only way the everyone can heal. If you are lucky enough to have healed from any pain, you know then how precious a gift that can be.

 

Emotions that to Me Belong.

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To feel is the tie that binds us to the world. Mankind does not have exclusivity on Emotions, for the whole of the world that lives has feelings of one type or another. Yet it is only man that levies a value on it, and only man whom may labor to craft it and make it meaningless all at once.

We play with them like toys, twist them, for suffering and gain. We can also wield them like weapons, wear them like armor; cutting another to the soul in depth, or shielding us and others as a impenetrable force.

The truth is, Emotions are mans greatest asset.. and most devastating means.

Yet with each of us, there is fact that if embraced, we can live and be at peace with ourselves, and perhaps the world we share.

Our emotions belong to us.

Each and everyone of us.. all are the sole guardian and absolute master of how we feel.

Fear, Guilt, Happiness, Regret, Lust, Mercy, Vengeance, Humility, Shame, Pride, Joy, Hope…. Love………… the list is endless

Every emotion .. we may ever know.. ever feel.. was always ours to decide.

What power it gives us, we create… and when another wields them upon us, it is because we have surrendered their stewardship to them.

We decide what we feel, and what we will be made to feel.

And whatever it is you want to feel.. whenever you would feel it.. whomever you wish to feel it with.. can happen as we want when we truly realize who decides the feelings themselves

They are decided by whom to which they Belong.

The Truth is far more Painful Given than Received.

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I consider myself a wielder of truth, not because I am its servant,  its protector, or its slave. I say this because it is something that through me has become weaponized.

Do not mistake for a moment, that in this somber revelation, I am see it as a moment to regale as if some great boon has befallen me. Far from it.

For me its the assassins blade, the huntsmen’s bow, the executioners axe. I can no more avoid it as shore bound rocks can the breaking tide.

You think, that I may be in a fit of self aggrandizing drama to speak in such a bellicose, but absolutist way.

You would be In Err.

I see the truth regardless, if am I looking, denying, begging that be hidden, fearful that upon its reveal  of its outright destruction of me.

The truth is I always see it, for what it is, and so often that weapon leaves its wounds all over, most often only me.

 

Taking the Hits, Because you can.

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There was a point in time where I could have so very easily described myself a walking wound. Not one great gaping display of  Fractured Psyche,  perforated organs and rendered flesh, but instead an amalgamated mass of well deserved,  foolishly created, blindsided  produced, and Machiavellian worthy self inflicted.

That time has passed.

I could, by means of forced remembrance and careful comparing of scars, to gather some detail which being the most fresh and least faded, deduce when I was no longer, in need of such constant triage. Instead I can conclude that, after the application of a sensible amount of stoicism and fair enough amount of Pride, I am alright.

Not healed, in utter remission, as fit as a fiddle, ready to hit the field, simply…

Alright.

I know so many analogies, and metaphors, that get regurgitated at these moments, I would quickly have the literary dry heaves……

My life Has been no Prize fight, this has been no Race of Champions.. I have been no ship in the storm.

But, I have been in a brawl, make no mistake, and as for of my time here, more of it I have been here than have I not been, Has been a race against Time itself, and there was no ship.. just the storm.

I got through It, that’s the point.. And the only thing that matters, Is Now I know I can take it..

I can take the hits.. I can suffer a wound or two.. it isn’t because I want to, or I am a glutton for punishment, or I cant fight back, or I have no esteem, to hold together myself, and let show.

I take the Hits because I can. I have earned the right to do that if needed, for those I love, I am willing to weather what others cannot, that’s what love is about. I have the wounds to prove it.

Love is worth the wounds, You will be alright.

 

For Liberties Sake.

Lady Liberty at Sunset, New York, NY

Lady Liberty at Sunset, New York, NY (Photo credit: Grufnik)

I may confuse some with what my political proclivities might be, and I believe that may be because I eschew Politics for a common sense of humanity that’s as fair as I can see it amidst my own Bias(as all human beings possess)
People who l…ove each other, and will live in union in honor of that love.. the nature of what defines that is none..of my damn business.
I believe people are entitled to their beliefs, and can be held accountable for them, but they have a right to be heard.
People who oppose something because of their beliefs should have the same right of voice as those who may support it..
But Liberty must prevail, regardless.
Here is a example of where I think it did.

Life in So many boxes…(Excerpt from 10,000 Sleepless Nights)

Taken The day this was written.

Taken the day this was written.

by Sam Bailey (Notes) on Monday, March 23, 2009

 

I gathered my material life unto Me yesterday…. Or more to the Point, my life, as it may be known in the books, sentiments, and sundries that gives an external measure of Us, as it lay heaped in so many boxes.
As an undertaking.. it was an act required,  but as an event so profound, so much memory haphazardly piled as life’s refuse, wore on my soul…
In the quest to determine who I am, I was forced to reflect on all that had defined me thus far…
Boxes of things, so carelessly strewn about.

This writing “event” was created on the day I gathered my belongings from what had been my home, and was the first moment that I truly realized I was entering into the realm of divorce. It remains one of the most profound moments of writing I have ever been part of, and even as I share it now, I still feel it keenly.