When Fear is all about you.

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Fear is part of being alive, some measure of it is factored in to nearly every aspect of our daily lives. It takes a myriad of forms. From the ambiguous, such as a random lighting strike(been there, done that), to the benign, (slipping and falling and breaking something… yep.. been there, done that too) To the dubiously required.(life, home, auto, flood, dental insurance). We live our lives in some way, evermore in its presence.

While some of us through life’s conditioning, or carful nurturing, or even genetic uniqueness, do not experience fear in the common fashion. They are the outliers, they typically come in two forms, though with the incredible diversity of division they may vary well beyond my simple characterizations, for the purpose of generalization I shall heap them in two groups.

For some.. Fear, is the great adventure that awaits them, or the looming challenge that will validate them. They are the trap waiting to be sprung; a fury begging to be unleashed. For these individuals.. Fear is the opportunity for hate, and rage and the satisfaction of redemption and validation that can be found.. in an instant unexpected.

For others… fear is the great unknown, and that is a terror that slithers its way into every thought and action. The darkness is a place of paralyzing terror, the light a place where everyone can see a flaw and failure in every pore. To do anything brings the terrible shadow of certain failure. To do nothing is to wait to be mocked and condemned.

Fear.. In either case , in every case, is nothing… but what we make it. It is no more a thought than as any other, it serves no one to any great reward, but does lead to the suffering of nearly all whom it becomes more that a mere thought to be considered.

See, When Fear is all about you, you have to realize, you cannot be All about fear.

Cause in the end Fear is really nothing, and you should never think that you should be to.

Learning to cope, written Febuary 22, 2009. (Excerpt from 10,000 Sleepless Nights.)

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Learning to cope…

 

Memory has its own identity, and we struggle each time we learn this anew.

         We can recall the nature of our own life in the countless reminiscence of all we have known.

Yet there are times when so powerful are the events that alter every course of our being, that in a single stroke of fate’s merciless pen are every memory redefined.

 

All we may recall is recast, every binding emotion torn asunder, and at once, who we were in our memories is no longer us at all.

 

Memories of Love become regret, devotion becomes purposeless toil, kindness is now is mocking placation.

 

We remember being part of something;

no we only realize we were just simply there, as we are now.

 

Alone.

The pain that makes us Endure us, Saves no one.

 

20161209_081622Everyone experiences Pain, and at some point, should it not consume us, and in that consumption leave behind a husk of anger and bitter regret, we will most often sentimentalize what has become of us having staved off pain’s hungry efforts upon us.

The bizarre irony, that we seem almost euphoric, to proclaim as loudly as possible, we have been hurt, how much, by what and whom, and that we are still here , and we can now regale any and all with our stories of woe, our elaborate Tales of suffering.

All the while forgetting, what is most important, that those who are still hurting, whom pain is still slowly grinding into grist, or carving away at with some opulent blade as it feeds amidst royal splendor, while its victim abides in desperate squalor.

If you are hurting it can be hard to see the hurt of another, but if you are merely celebrating the memory of a wound, and paying no heed to another, you are likely to just create another wound someplace else in your revelry.

Help the hurting, even if your hurting, sometimes that’s the only way the everyone can heal. If you are lucky enough to have healed from any pain, you know then how precious a gift that can be.

 

Emotions that to Me Belong.

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To feel is the tie that binds us to the world. Mankind does not have exclusivity on Emotions, for the whole of the world that lives has feelings of one type or another. Yet it is only man that levies a value on it, and only man whom may labor to craft it and make it meaningless all at once.

We play with them like toys, twist them, for suffering and gain. We can also wield them like weapons, wear them like armor; cutting another to the soul in depth, or shielding us and others as a impenetrable force.

The truth is, Emotions are mans greatest asset.. and most devastating means.

Yet with each of us, there is fact that if embraced, we can live and be at peace with ourselves, and perhaps the world we share.

Our emotions belong to us.

Each and everyone of us.. all are the sole guardian and absolute master of how we feel.

Fear, Guilt, Happiness, Regret, Lust, Mercy, Vengeance, Humility, Shame, Pride, Joy, Hope…. Love………… the list is endless

Every emotion .. we may ever know.. ever feel.. was always ours to decide.

What power it gives us, we create… and when another wields them upon us, it is because we have surrendered their stewardship to them.

We decide what we feel, and what we will be made to feel.

And whatever it is you want to feel.. whenever you would feel it.. whomever you wish to feel it with.. can happen as we want when we truly realize who decides the feelings themselves

They are decided by whom to which they Belong.

The Truth is far more Painful Given than Received.

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I consider myself a wielder of truth, not because I am its servant,  its protector, or its slave. I say this because it is something that through me has become weaponized.

Do not mistake for a instant, that in this somber revelation, I see it as a moment to regale as if some great boon has befallen me. Far from it.

For me its the assassins blade, the huntsmen’s bow, the executioners axe. I can no more avoid it as shore bound rocks can the breaking tide.

You think, that I may be in a fit of self aggrandizing drama to speak in such a bellicose, but absolutist way.

You would be In Err.

I see the truth regardless, if am I looking, denying, begging that it be hidden, fearful that upon its reveal, of its outright destruction of me.

The truth is, I always see it, for what it is, and so often that weapon leaves its wounds all over, but without exception numbering among those wounded is me.

 

Taking the Hits, Because you can.

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There was a point in time where I could have so very easily described myself a walking wound. Not one great gaping display of  Fractured Psyche,  perforated organs and rendered flesh, but instead an amalgamated mass of well deserved,  foolishly created, blindsided  produced, and Machiavellian worthy self inflicted.

That time has passed.

I could, by means of forced remembrance and careful comparing of scars, to gather some detail which being the most fresh and least faded, deduce when I was no longer, in need of such constant triage. Instead I can conclude that, after the application of a sensible amount of stoicism and fair enough amount of Pride, I am alright.

Not healed, in utter remission, as fit as a fiddle, ready to hit the field, simply…

Alright.

I know so many analogies, and metaphors, that get regurgitated at these moments, I would quickly have the literary dry heaves……

My life Has been no Prize fight, this has been no Race of Champions.. I have been no ship in the storm.

But, I have been in a brawl, make no mistake, and as for of my time here, more of it I have been here than have I not been, Has been a race against Time itself, and there was no ship.. just the storm.

I got through It, that’s the point.. And the only thing that matters, Is Now I know I can take it..

I can take the hits.. I can suffer a wound or two.. it isn’t because I want to, or I am a glutton for punishment, or I cant fight back, or I have no esteem, to hold together myself, and let show.

I take the Hits because I can. I have earned the right to do that if needed, for those I love, I am willing to weather what others cannot, that’s what love is about. I have the wounds to prove it.

Love is worth the wounds, You will be alright.

 

For Liberties Sake.

Lady Liberty at Sunset, New York, NY

Lady Liberty at Sunset, New York, NY (Photo credit: Grufnik)

I may confuse some with what my political proclivities might be, and I believe that may be because I eschew Politics for a common sense of humanity that’s as fair as I can see it amidst my own Bias(as all human beings possess)
People who l…ove each other, and will live in union in honor of that love.. the nature of what defines that is none..of my damn business.
I believe people are entitled to their beliefs, and can be held accountable for them, but they have a right to be heard.
People who oppose something because of their beliefs should have the same right of voice as those who may support it..
But Liberty must prevail, regardless.
Here is a example of where I think it did.