Mo Anam Cara…..
Everyone seeks a herald of the truth, or a would be earnest keeper, that would serve us best. However, should it reveal our vices, or be some oculist to ensure clarity of our being, then we fear it would reveal… Us
This endless merry go round… our need of the truth of us to be known.. and at any given moment… the devastation we will wrought.. to ensure, such truth will never come to be.
We ache.. fear.. long.. beg.. lament.. terrorize… wish for… destroy … ache … ruin… hide from… sabotage… and surrender to… all for the same
THE TRUTH … OF US.
may we never know it… may others break us for it..
But either way.. may we know peace…
All our lives we battle our own perspectives. Either it is a desperate rally to cut through the lines of confusion and doubt to see the truth of what we have denied as truth. Or Some harrowing defense to stave off the truth, so we never face it, no matter what price we may pay.
But… sometimes… we are not the arbiter of our moment of seeing the truth. be it of us, or of something so profound it reveals us..
Sometimes… Life just unleashes Truth upon us.. and we are laid waste by the force of its yield.
We sit the .. our world no more than cinder and ash.. we sit bewildered and confused.
We eventually haphazardly grope at ourselves… to see if all the pieces of us are there…
some times they are.. some times they aren’t.
Slowly we struggle to are feet, and try to find direction, if there is one to find at all, but we are forever changed. We will never see the truth the same way again.
The destructive force of fear… What it does to us even as we do Nothing. It is the teacher of woe, the ender of purpose, the stealer of dreams. The Lesson is always the same. Abide in it, and you will consume first all you love, then you.
Fear is part of being alive, some measure of it is factored in to nearly every aspect of our daily lives. It takes a myriad of forms. From the ambiguous, such as a random lighting strike(been there, done that), to the benign, (slipping and falling and breaking something… yep.. been there, done that too) To the dubiously required.(life, home, auto, flood, dental insurance). We live our lives in some way, evermore in its presence.
While some of us through life’s conditioning, or careful nurturing, or even genetic uniqueness, do not experience fear in the common fashion. They are the outliers, they typically come in two forms, though with the incredible diversity of division they may vary well beyond my simple characterizations, for the purpose of generalization I shall heap them in two groups.
For some.. Fear, is the great adventure that awaits them, or the looming challenge that will validate them. They are the trap waiting to be sprung; a fury begging…
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The torture we exact upon ourselves when we let go of skepticism and objectivity hard earned through our own pain and lessons learned from the same. We, instead, become blind from the waters of optimism, we choose to take to plunge into, because we heed no voice that would call us back from the perilous cliff above it. even, our own.
“Its not like before”
“It will all work out”
Its just not the same”
You don’t know them like I do.”
We have a reason … an excuse.. to fit any desperate plea to call us back from the ledge.
We will leap no matter what.
It is that need for faith, not in someone else but ourselves, that we must hastily reforge. An All consuming need to right and true ourselves.
And so.. do we crash on the rocks…. No, are we washed out to Sea.. no… We flounder.. tread water helplessly, for all to watch.. till we are water logged and spent.
We Just might call for help.. maybe we drown… or we might be blessed with tide and crashed upon the shore, but in the end we will have few moments to reflect on how we came to this moment, when we ignore all, even ourselves in what we chose to believe.